Oh, Saint Patrick's Day... how you truly did Sham-rock my life!
It was a pretty typical outing extravaganza night for me with the exception of a few highlights that I'll share with you.
I started off my evening at TTT with The Bodster and some of his friends. Had some blasties, but headed out before the night turned into one that I couldn't remember. I then headed up to the UES to meet up with D and get some drinkies and pizza. As we are devouring our delicious slices of heaven, homeboy behind us asked if I'd punch his friend in the face for $0.75. Obviously no! $1.75? Really? $21.75? Absolutely! Reasons why I love people that are more intoxicated than me!
With delivering a fake punch to the face and $20 in my pocket, we decided it was time to blow that joint. D and I really didn't do anything after that except to head back to our respective abodes.
Though heading home for means heading to Bar Coastal where I met up with V and ordered a few pitchers with some friends. Asian Evan sends his regards. Post Bar Coastal, V and I headed to Stumble Inn where we stumbled in and had another drink. This is where the night became even more epic. Random girl went all Jersey Shore on me and grabbed my hair and yanked with all of her guidette agression. I wanted to kill her, and by kill her, I mean bake her cupcakes so that she wouldn't destroy me (you clearly can't destroy someone who gives you cupcakes). The barista serving us was in shock and chased after homegirl. It was quite the scene. How do things like this actually happen in real life?
Good news. I'm home. I'm alive. I'm $20 richer. And I did not get my ass kicked. All in all, my St. Patty's Day was a success.
xoxo,
E
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Sham-rock the House!
It has been entirely too long. Not to say that I have been behaved by any means, I've just been swamped with pretending I'm a real person that must function occasionally in the real world. But today... I bring you big news!
Today marks the day where this blog is no longer me raving about my ridiculously absurd life, but the ridiculously absurd lives of some of my best girlfriends. I am no longer the sole faller in high heels, but we fall together as we always have. So welcome the rest of the girls with the love, shock, and disapproval you have given me since the beginning of this fateful saga.
Without further ado, please welcome... J, R, D, and L! These amazing ladies have pulled me through so much, and now they are here to share their tales of triumph with you!
In other news, if you haven't walked outside today and seen the streets filled with green and realized that today is indeed St. Patrick's Day, then you are just an unfortunate soul.
Happy St. Patrick's Day! A day to celebrate my people, no not Irish (though that would work too), the drunken idiots! May we all share in green beer and appletinis and wake up tomorrow to share our frightful tales.
xoxo,
E
Today marks the day where this blog is no longer me raving about my ridiculously absurd life, but the ridiculously absurd lives of some of my best girlfriends. I am no longer the sole faller in high heels, but we fall together as we always have. So welcome the rest of the girls with the love, shock, and disapproval you have given me since the beginning of this fateful saga.
Without further ado, please welcome... J, R, D, and L! These amazing ladies have pulled me through so much, and now they are here to share their tales of triumph with you!
In other news, if you haven't walked outside today and seen the streets filled with green and realized that today is indeed St. Patrick's Day, then you are just an unfortunate soul.
Happy St. Patrick's Day! A day to celebrate my people, no not Irish (though that would work too), the drunken idiots! May we all share in green beer and appletinis and wake up tomorrow to share our frightful tales.
xoxo,
E
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Holy Guacamole!
Last night was a festive evening at D and J's for the Naughty or Nice party in Brooklyn. It was bundles of fun full of peppermint schnapps and mistletoe. A few of us, including D, decided to slip out early and head into the city to hit some clubs and bars. I mean why waste our cuteness! It was fah-reezing, and super fun because it was my first snow experience ever!
So, turns out, I'm still really not a club person. Just can't get into it, especially up here since there are so many Yankees. Where are my southern swoops? Anyway, before we left we had to go down to the coat check and pick up our stuff, and crazy man flipped a shit on D. Oh, no you didn't! With several drinks in us, we were a tough bunch of girls and decided to fight back. I hesitate to say we won because he delivered the ultimate blow. He called me Jersey trash! Are you blind sir? What part of me would you consider Jersey trash? Would it be my pale skin, my pearl necklace, my normal eyebrows, my normal amount of makeup, or maybe it was me saying "y'all, lets settle down now." I think that's definitely what did it. Well, don't EVER call me Jersey trash. I gave him a kick to the family jewels and mashed my heel into his foot and we ran like the place was on fire. Perhaps I remember it a little differently than it really happened, but who knows with a few drinks in ya.
Y'all be careful about what you say!
xoxo,
E
So, turns out, I'm still really not a club person. Just can't get into it, especially up here since there are so many Yankees. Where are my southern swoops? Anyway, before we left we had to go down to the coat check and pick up our stuff, and crazy man flipped a shit on D. Oh, no you didn't! With several drinks in us, we were a tough bunch of girls and decided to fight back. I hesitate to say we won because he delivered the ultimate blow. He called me Jersey trash! Are you blind sir? What part of me would you consider Jersey trash? Would it be my pale skin, my pearl necklace, my normal eyebrows, my normal amount of makeup, or maybe it was me saying "y'all, lets settle down now." I think that's definitely what did it. Well, don't EVER call me Jersey trash. I gave him a kick to the family jewels and mashed my heel into his foot and we ran like the place was on fire. Perhaps I remember it a little differently than it really happened, but who knows with a few drinks in ya.
Y'all be careful about what you say!
xoxo,
E
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I've lost my MOJO!
How did this happen? Within a week I go from 5 boys to no boys! Not even my homeless boyfriend in Miami was looking for his rich ho the past weekend. What has my life come to? I have lost my charm and ability to make boys fall in love with me. This is tragic news. After a one month boycation, I am ready to return, but I am being left behind! Why am I being punished? What is God trying to tell me? I have LOST my MOJO! The boys are not swooning. Maybe God is just separating me from my whorish ways in order to prepare me for my husband that I am obviously going to meet fairly soon.
HELP! I need HELP! I will lend you my ear if you choose to offer me advice.
On the brightside, I got a new stove and oven today. Who needs a boy when you have new appliances?
xoxo,
E
HELP! I need HELP! I will lend you my ear if you choose to offer me advice.
On the brightside, I got a new stove and oven today. Who needs a boy when you have new appliances?
xoxo,
E
Monday, October 26, 2009
Four Score and Seven Years Ago...
Hello blog. I have missed you, but my body has appreciated the vacation. I have been pretty well behaved for the past month, or so I like to think. I have made bad decisions, but those decisions weren't due to clouded judgment. However, my vacation ended this past weekend as I took a road trip to Harrisonburg, Virginia to visit one of my favorite people in the entire world... Joshy!
Brando and I hopped in the car at 3:30 Friday afternoon and made our trek to the great state of Virginia.
Things I enjoyed about Harrisonburg (other than the people, the partying, and the escape from NY)
I feel like that list could continue for ages, but I'm tired of thinking of things because it makes me depressed that I'm not there.
Brando and I arrived Friday night and promptly went out to the Dodger. Apparently the Artful Dodger is Harrisonburg's gay bar, but is enjoyed by all seeing that it is the only place to dance. And sometimes you've just gotta dance! For being a small town in the middle of nowhere, Harrisonburg has a lot of gays, and I love my gays, but I have never seen such a high concentration of lesbians. Holy scare the crap out of me. We chose to play the game girl or guy. I'm sure you can figure out what this game entails.
We left the Dodger because we closed the place down... at 1:30 am. I didn't know that bars closed so early. We chose Total Eclipse of the Heart as our last dance. And the five of us that were there rocked it out! Brando, however, chose to go up to the DJ and demand that he play Total Eclipse of the Heart because we were the only people left, and we had been there the whole night. The DJ informed him that that was the song that was currently playing. Brando had a little to much to drink that night. Precious soul.
We went back to Joshy's friend's apartment and continued to rage on. Then made the glorious decision to walk to 7-11 and get a slurpie for Brando. I'm pretty sure we spent at least 30 minutes in 7-11. Made friends with the clerk, who ended up taste testing all the slurpie flavors with Brando (I later spiked his slurpie purchase with Bourbon... oops). Joshy and I bought 5 hour energy drinks, which we never ended up drinking, and that's when the rest of the night becomes hazy.
We wake up on Saturday morning to dogs attacking us in Joshy's apartment at around 11:30 am and I decide this means I should get up and make pancakes, still drunk. We eat breakfast, then all of us get into Joshy's bed and go back to sleep until 2 pm. Mind you, Joshy has to be at work at 3 pm to do the weather. Ahhhhh! Don't worry, he made it.
We rocked out again on Saturday night. Brando and I headed to the tv station to watch Joshy in all his glory, then headed home to start the party. We went to the Dodger again, where Baberaham Lincoln met up with us, this was one of Joshy's friends who attended a costume party prior to going out. This is when the comments began coming out. Comments included... "excuse me, you're going to need to back away from the President" and "did you know that he freed you?" Terrible! I also tried to do a magic trick with Good Ole Abe's top hat. Unfortunately I was double fisting and ended up pouring out most of my beer onto the floor, and not realizing it in the slightest. I thought the were all laughing at my magic trick. Oh, well.
Here's a video for your enjoyment. This song was our "Perfect" song to turn to whenever needed. Please enjoy the version from Old School because we did turn this portion on after closing the bar on Saturday night. Totally necessary. Please note Will Ferrell's face...
Friends and fun like the excitement from this weekend make me miss my old life. New York has so much to offer, but I feel so lost here. Few people here know the real E, and those that do are a lot of times the people I'm trying to avoid.
xoxo,
E
P.S. One of the girls we hung out with has a coozie collection and has everything monogrammed. I miss these types of people. They are few and far between up here!
P.P.S. I know this post isn't my best work, but so much time has passed and I had to start again somewhere. This wasn't a random encounter, this was planned. However, I have some dates that are coming up which could be quite interesting. Tune in next time to find out if I survive dating people that I have nothing in common with!
Brando and I hopped in the car at 3:30 Friday afternoon and made our trek to the great state of Virginia.
Things I enjoyed about Harrisonburg (other than the people, the partying, and the escape from NY)
- The fact that I could buy 10 pounds of potatoes for $3. Did I use 10 pounds of potatoes while there? Absolutely not, but they were only $3!
- Ability to buy 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts for $5.45. I turned to the lady next to me that was picking breasts and said, "this is such a great deal!"
- Going on hikes. Steep hikes. With dogs that pull you up the mountain. And Mennonites that drive down the road in a horse and carriage and super fun clothes. It reminded me of The Little House on the Prairie.
- Fall. Trees. Leaves changing.
I feel like that list could continue for ages, but I'm tired of thinking of things because it makes me depressed that I'm not there.
Brando and I arrived Friday night and promptly went out to the Dodger. Apparently the Artful Dodger is Harrisonburg's gay bar, but is enjoyed by all seeing that it is the only place to dance. And sometimes you've just gotta dance! For being a small town in the middle of nowhere, Harrisonburg has a lot of gays, and I love my gays, but I have never seen such a high concentration of lesbians. Holy scare the crap out of me. We chose to play the game girl or guy. I'm sure you can figure out what this game entails.
We left the Dodger because we closed the place down... at 1:30 am. I didn't know that bars closed so early. We chose Total Eclipse of the Heart as our last dance. And the five of us that were there rocked it out! Brando, however, chose to go up to the DJ and demand that he play Total Eclipse of the Heart because we were the only people left, and we had been there the whole night. The DJ informed him that that was the song that was currently playing. Brando had a little to much to drink that night. Precious soul.
We went back to Joshy's friend's apartment and continued to rage on. Then made the glorious decision to walk to 7-11 and get a slurpie for Brando. I'm pretty sure we spent at least 30 minutes in 7-11. Made friends with the clerk, who ended up taste testing all the slurpie flavors with Brando (I later spiked his slurpie purchase with Bourbon... oops). Joshy and I bought 5 hour energy drinks, which we never ended up drinking, and that's when the rest of the night becomes hazy.
We wake up on Saturday morning to dogs attacking us in Joshy's apartment at around 11:30 am and I decide this means I should get up and make pancakes, still drunk. We eat breakfast, then all of us get into Joshy's bed and go back to sleep until 2 pm. Mind you, Joshy has to be at work at 3 pm to do the weather. Ahhhhh! Don't worry, he made it.
We rocked out again on Saturday night. Brando and I headed to the tv station to watch Joshy in all his glory, then headed home to start the party. We went to the Dodger again, where Baberaham Lincoln met up with us, this was one of Joshy's friends who attended a costume party prior to going out. This is when the comments began coming out. Comments included... "excuse me, you're going to need to back away from the President" and "did you know that he freed you?" Terrible! I also tried to do a magic trick with Good Ole Abe's top hat. Unfortunately I was double fisting and ended up pouring out most of my beer onto the floor, and not realizing it in the slightest. I thought the were all laughing at my magic trick. Oh, well.
Here's a video for your enjoyment. This song was our "Perfect" song to turn to whenever needed. Please enjoy the version from Old School because we did turn this portion on after closing the bar on Saturday night. Totally necessary. Please note Will Ferrell's face...
Friends and fun like the excitement from this weekend make me miss my old life. New York has so much to offer, but I feel so lost here. Few people here know the real E, and those that do are a lot of times the people I'm trying to avoid.
xoxo,
E
P.S. One of the girls we hung out with has a coozie collection and has everything monogrammed. I miss these types of people. They are few and far between up here!
P.P.S. I know this post isn't my best work, but so much time has passed and I had to start again somewhere. This wasn't a random encounter, this was planned. However, I have some dates that are coming up which could be quite interesting. Tune in next time to find out if I survive dating people that I have nothing in common with!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Forever Young
Whoever said that getting old sucks definitely lied! I made a friend tonight. She was in her 70s (she wouldn't give me her exact age) and her name was Louise. I wonder if some day Emily will become and old lady name. I sure hope so! I want to be the future Betty or Ethel of America. Anyway, I went to Tin Lizzy because Guido Bartender told me he'd be working, and you know what that means, free drinkies! So, I walk in and get hit on by my favorite bouncer who refused to let me go. I sit near the front of the bar because the far end looked packed of people I probably wouldn't care much to talk to, so I chose a seat next to my new friend. She was sitting all alone talking to Guido. I obviously decide to strike up a conversation. Not quite sure what we talked about, but it was clear that I was making her night.
After about 30 minutes of chit-chat, Miley Cyrus came on, thank you Mr. DJ. This prompted my feet to start moving, and I invited Louise to dance with me. She told me I was a great dancer. Then as always, the DJ announced that if any lovely ladies would get on the bar and dance they would get free shots. This was our cue! I convinced Louise to get on the bar and dance with me. Guido handed us bottles of liquor, and as we danced down the bar we poured shots into the mouths of the patrons. Trashy... yes. Epic... absolutely. Best night of Louise's life... undeniable! As a put Louise in a cab, and gave her a hug good night, she asked if we could hang out again soon. What a precious woman, but I feel so sad for her. Is this really all she has to look forward to in life? Where is her family? Her soul mate? Her children? Bless her heart, but at least I was able to give her a night worth remembering.
xoxo,
E
*** This has been sitting in my Saved Posts. I must have forgotten to post it before. Sorry!
After about 30 minutes of chit-chat, Miley Cyrus came on, thank you Mr. DJ. This prompted my feet to start moving, and I invited Louise to dance with me. She told me I was a great dancer. Then as always, the DJ announced that if any lovely ladies would get on the bar and dance they would get free shots. This was our cue! I convinced Louise to get on the bar and dance with me. Guido handed us bottles of liquor, and as we danced down the bar we poured shots into the mouths of the patrons. Trashy... yes. Epic... absolutely. Best night of Louise's life... undeniable! As a put Louise in a cab, and gave her a hug good night, she asked if we could hang out again soon. What a precious woman, but I feel so sad for her. Is this really all she has to look forward to in life? Where is her family? Her soul mate? Her children? Bless her heart, but at least I was able to give her a night worth remembering.
xoxo,
E
*** This has been sitting in my Saved Posts. I must have forgotten to post it before. Sorry!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Does this mean I win?
I think this means I'm still in the game. The Bodster texted me constantly last night. He was going out with some buddies and wanted to know what I was up to. I continued being my witty little self, but ended up sharing our location with him regardless. The Bodster showed up! He came with his friends the the bar we were hanging out with and I was mildly shocked. He came to find me, and when I saw him he was wearing a SEARSUCKER shirt. Steal my heart! We flirted, but in the end I beleive I'm still in the win category. He chased me, and I still didn't give him what he wanted. Though I do fall into the lose category briefly because I didn't have any drinks bought for me. Bummer.
In other Bodster news. He told me that he resigned his position at TTT. Do you realize how tragic that is? That means I don't have an automatic go to for free drinks anymore. Well, actually I have a drink machine up by me now, but he's just getting annoying because he calls me at 5:30 am when he gets off work. No thank you! Oh, and he wears a Jesus chain. Anyway, at least this means I can go to TTT without fear of having him be my total cock block. I'll figure it out, I always do.
xoxo,
E
In other Bodster news. He told me that he resigned his position at TTT. Do you realize how tragic that is? That means I don't have an automatic go to for free drinks anymore. Well, actually I have a drink machine up by me now, but he's just getting annoying because he calls me at 5:30 am when he gets off work. No thank you! Oh, and he wears a Jesus chain. Anyway, at least this means I can go to TTT without fear of having him be my total cock block. I'll figure it out, I always do.
xoxo,
E
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